Feeling disconnected

I read in the career advice columns that one must maintain an active social media presence in order to be considered legit these days; in fact, if you don’t have a profile on every site with multiple pictures of yourself, people are likely to suspect that you aren’t actually a real person (see: Manti Te’o girlfriend hoax). I’m a real person and I make a real effort to actively participate in all the several social media forums of which I am a member. But lately I feel as if I have become essentially invisible across the board, and it’s distressing me.

I’ve been on Facebook for coming up on two years, and I still have only 36 friends (if I could friend every person I’d like to, I’d still probably have fewer than 100, but most of the others are people who I wish were on FB but are not). Two of those friends are my own dogs. Of the rest, only about 8 ever comment on or like anything I post. Comments on my posts are rare, and tend to be back-and-forth between me and one other person when they happen at all. I have friends who can post something as profound and thrilling as “meh, it’s Tuesday” and get 20 comments from a dozen different people inside of an hour. I am on FB every day and I am a copious commenter and liker. My posts–from WordPress as well as status updates, shares and other links–go up day after day with no response other than an occasional like here and there. Half of my FB friends have little or no interaction with me on or off FB. Another 30% will respond to me if I comment on their posts, but we have no other interaction unless I initiate it.

I’ve been on LinkedIn for so long I can’t remember when I joined. I’ve received less than a handful of invitations to join other people’s networks; every other connection I have, I initiated. Nobody contacts me through that site. The few times I’ve tried to tap my network for small favors such as in introduction to a mutual link, I’ve gotten promptly shut down. I called one guy in my network, a web designer, before my website launched and offered to pay him $50 to sit down with me for 30 minutes to review my site and give me his professional opinion of it. He accepted my price with alacrity, but then declined to meet with me and asked me to email him what I had so that he could “get around to it” whenever he could find the time over the next week or two. We did not end up doing business together because he made it so clear that he didn’t have the time and/or didn’t want to.

I’ve been on Pinterest for several months, and I follow everyone whom I know either in real life or from FB. Not one person I know has ever liked, repinned or commented on anything I’ve pinned. The few interactions I’ve had on the site have been with strangers, and those have been all repins. If that’s a “social” media site, you sure couldn’t tell it by me.

I have a business page on FB for my photography business, and I’ve asked my FB friends and my blog readers to “Like” it because until it reaches 30 likes, FB doesn’t recognize Shaw Pro Photo as a legitimate employer or let me customize the company page (which is different from the business page). After four months, only 20 people have liked the business page.

This blog has 168 followers, which is actually a fine number for being online less than a year, and I am pleased and flattered that so many people are interested in reading what I have to say. But my spam comment count exceeds my legitimate comment count, and my daily viewership is routinely in the single digits. I do have a couple of regular commenters, whom I dearly appreciate, but I wonder where the rest of you are and if you’re even still reading this.

The numbers do not lie. I am a member of multiple social networks that are neither social nor networked, at least not for me. I’m starting to feel as if, except for those 8 FB friends and two WP bloggers who do respond to what I post and whom I appreciate deeply, I am wasting my time trying to maintain social connections with people who just can’t be bothered to reciprocate. Where is everybody? Why do people join social networks and then just disappear?

I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad and I’m not looking for sympathy or pity. I’m looking for interaction, for connection and for a sense of community among my peers. I want more social in my networks. As my sister likes to remind me, “if you don’t ask, you don’t get.” So here I am, asking, even though, frankly, I am afraid that this could blow up in my face because you might think I’m a crybaby/whiner/attention whore/drama queen for even bringing this up. What I think I am is somebody who tries really hard every day to reach out and stay connected to other people and who would really, really like it if those people reached back to me a little more often. As I’ve said before, I favor dialogue in all instances.

There. Now I’ve said it.

Responses? Anyone?

Related: Still not connecting.

And now that I’ve written about it twice, I will retire this blog topic.



6 thoughts on “Feeling disconnected

  1. I wish I had answers for you, but I don’t. I have the same issues and questions you do. But I’m not trying to start a business – yet. I have been on FB for a good 6 years or so, and many of my friends are real-life friends or people I met on other sites. Yet I keep plodding along and add followers here and there. I did take advantage of the WP suggestions for increasing readership. And having my blog on WP gives me more traffic than it ever did on Blogger! Hang in there!! 🙂

    • Thanks, Ruth. I am always happy to see a comment from you. 🙂 I am not looking for more traffic or readership, per se, just more interaction with the traffic I do have. But perhaps (okay, more than likely) the problem lies in my expectations of what “virtual” relationships should be. I shall work on this. But please know that I very much appreciate your support and encouragement. 🙂

  2. I read your blog every day . . they show up in my email box at the end of the day and I either read them then or in the morning. Sometimes I am interested, sometimes I read it and move on, sometimes I laugh and smile, sometimes I am sad (like when your parents house was flooded) and sometimes I get angry because we are on total different ends of a subject. I saved the mac ‘n cheese recipe. When the weather gets warmer again, I would love to walk with you and the dogs. There is a new gym opening by WinCo that I joined and another of your neighbors did too – you are welcome to join and come along and work out with us anytime. We plan to go three mornings a week. It is easy to get lost in all these networks and wonder if someone even listens – I feel that way myself at times and I am not doing it “for real” like you are. Then I call my friends and we all go to coffee together and have a real conversation. : ) Good luck – I truly enjoy your blog.

    • Ah, Terry! I sometimes forget that I have a real-life neighbor among my readers. 🙂 I am sorry our paths don’t cross more often these days. I appreciate your reading … I remember you asked me for the name of my blog the day we met, and I thought you were just being polite. 😉

      I think a partial antidote to my disaffection with online stuff is to have more interaction with people in real life. I like your idea of having real conversations. 🙂 I do have a gym membership with that club over on Fairview, but I would be happy for your company on the walk. Spring is coming!

      Thanks again for reading. 🙂

  3. Lisa I found your post through WordPress a couple months back. Was captivated by the post about your parents. I understand your sense of community frustration. Even these social networks leave us often feeling envious, sad, and disappointed. We can feel even more isolated from our activity. How is that for irony? Let me remind you that you can have fellowship with the Lord God almighty, Creator of the Universe anytime, anywhere through prayer and his word. He sees all your posts before you publish them! I believe that a genuine church group would be great for you. May ultimate fellowship be yours in Christ!

    • Thank you for that reminder. 🙂

      It is indeed ironic that we are now expected — really *expected*, from all sides — to participate in social media, both at work and at home, yet those interactions present only slight and continuously diminishing rewards for many people. I wonder whether we’ve lost our ability to build authentic, real-life communities, peer groups and friendships. And by we, of course, I mean me. 😉

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