Super clean

Out and about at the local Buy ‘N’ Large store today, I found a small steam cleaner at a reasonable price and thought it might be just the thing for a hygiene-conscious gal such as myself to have on hand for the really tough cleaning jobs.

When I showed it to my neighbor, who owns a house-cleaning business, she just laughed at me. “What are you going to use it for? Your house is immaculate,” she said.

True. But, on account of you never know, it’s good to have the right tool for the job, whatever that job may be.

Since my house is, in fact, immaculate in all the places you can’t see as well as those you can, I had to head out to the garage to find something suitably filthy on which to try out my new toy.

As luck would have it, I do have a shelf by the door that has been untouched, hygienically speaking, since I moved in. The previous owner did a lot of messy work out there, apparently, and the faux-marble linoleum surface was heavily coated with greasy, dusty, three-dimensional grime, as well as several splotches of dried paint.

dirty-shelf

It’s pretty gross from a distance …

dirty-shelf-detail

and even more so up close.

So I fired up the steamer and put it to work.

steamer

I’d love to tell you that this bad boy was everything I hoped it would be and more, and that it powered away all that nasty crud in no time flat, leaving a sparkling, sanitized vision behind.

But, alas, no.

As far as I could tell, it just kind of got the surface a little bit wet. I will read the instruction manual more carefully again at some point, but right now I am not clear on what, exactly, this thing is supposed to do that a good grease-cutting cleaner and an old rag won’t.

After three or four applications of Simple Green and about 45 minutes of careful scraping with a razor blade, though, that sparkling, sanitized vision was finally manifested.

Not bad, if I do say so.

Not bad, if I do say so. The remaining dark spots are actually holes in the surface.

I’m sure steam cleaners do have their uses—the lady ahead of me in line at Buy ‘N’ Large said she runs a property management company and uses her steamer all the time for post-move-out clean ups (she mentioned toilets in particular, ugh). So there’s that. I hope my own house never approaches that level of, uh, need, but it’s good to know I’m now equipped to handle it if it ever does. 

jennifer-lawrence-ok-animated

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